New York City In Constant Repairs Due To Marvel Movies


(Image via Retro Zap)

Thong Nguyen, Writer

Marvel Movies; so incredibly over-exaggerated and dramatic that Shakespeare might as well come back from the grave to recite all of his plays at once. The Avengers debut in 2012 and ever since New York City has been in constant 24/7 state of repair throughout the city. From The Bronx to Harlem, the city has been rapidly repairing itself with great gusto.

After Avengers: Age of Ultron, The Mayor of NYC decided that it would be wise to invest in rapid construction programs for the city after seeing the entire city of Sokovia lifted from the ground and slowly rise into the sky. Until the whole city blew up with a great roar and fragments burrowing into the surrounding landscape. Suffice to say, it was the right move. Marvel Studios now use NYC so extensively that skyscrapers rise and fall in two hours, beating out China’s rapid construction teams by months. Like lumberjack in a forest of towering trees, making them fall with a great boom.

However, most people can still enjoy their daily lives. On the morning commute, near that “one shawarma place”, Tony Stark has been able to get a pizza during the filming of Avengers and he even got it under 10 minutes with heavy traffic while a skyscraper fell on top of the Brooklyn Bridge. Tony, not related to Tony Stark (Just Tony), made the pizza at Tony’s Pizza Place. To quote Tony: “I was just passed the fallen alien spaceship and the 50 dead people in the library when I saw that Tony needed a pie, so I had to oblige the man”. Tony’s brother, Tony Tony, has vouched for his brother in the good deed. Through the debris of war-torn buildings and CGI aliens, it’s good to know that the Tonys of NYC still have to sell pizza and angrily yell at people “Aye, I’m walkin’ ‘ere.”

Furthermore, people can go to the movie theaters for free to see the latest Marvel Movie by just stepping outside their apartments. Some say that they “truly feel the movie magic” by being in the vicinity of the filming crew. After obliterating the entire city with a WMD for no other reason than “It sounded really, really, cool”, the city was able to rebuild in about a week and they even numbered how many times the city was blown apart, lifted, or eradicated. It’s about 38 times, minus the test runs and re-shoots. Critics have praised the city diligence on repairing themselves and not, to quote Ben Ton, “letting the movie studio correct themselves, as if the whole point of superheroes is to save people and the communities they live in and not rip them apart just for the sake of action and explosive CGI that would dilute the entire series to the point of mindless action.” Mr. Ton was then shortly arrested by suspicious men in black suits, when asked about it they responded with “There’s a new movie being filmed, go look at that instead.”

Looking into the future of movies and benevolent corporations that might (or might not) be paying me to say these things at gunpoint, we can see that cities like New York will be adapting and improving the ways we see movies in the future. With the entirety of the Avengers movies being milked to death, we can only hope Marvel Studios milked the series twice as fast and twice as efficient as never seen before.