NASA Claims Mars Was a Hoax

(Image via Wikipedia)

(Image via Wikipedia)

Matthew Lowther, Writer

In 1610 Mars was discovered by Galileo Galilei, changing our view of space forever. In a recent press conference, an executive at NASA disclosed information that the discovery of Mars was an elaborate prank that went too far. In an up till recently-confidential journal entry by Galileo he wrote “I can’t go anywhere without being asked if I’ve made a new discovery, but there is nothing left to be discovered” then two days later making another entry “I’ve created a planet called Mars to get people off my back until I find out something real.” Since Galileo had never taken back his claim of Mars we can only wonder if any of his discoveries after that were real at all such as the rings of Saturn, some of the moons of Jupiter, and the pendulum clock, putting a halt to almost all modern physics.

At a recent press conference with some of the chief of the Mars Rover program at NASA has responded to the question of how real the Mars rovers are, confirming their existence. When asked to elaborate they said “we did send them into space… but we’re not exactly sure where they are.” As a result of these problems all rovers intended to be sent to Mars will be ordered to self-destruct in the next month unless they can be located. As for the missions to Mars planned in the future, they will most likely be canceled and there will be another press conference soon addressing all of these future expeditions. 

Some companies have taken advantage of this such as Celestron who will be offering telescope inspection and recall of their new StarGuide Explorer DM-77, other brands are taking another approach by not allowing any returns or refunds until further notice. Companies that allow you to buy your own star are told to stop selling people their own star until they can confirm the star they are selling is, in fact, a real star to avoid further complication in the future. If you are already the owner of a star you will need to send it for an expectation to make sure it qualifies as a genuine star and get it notarized and reregistered under your name. If you fail to get it registered and inspected you can face charges of up to $40,000 and a year in prison.

Since the found flaws of Galileo, there will now be new investigations of other influential scientists such as Pythagoras, Plato, and Bill Nye “The science guy”. As a result, all future scientific observations will need to be passed in congress to become passed as a scientific law, unless vetoed. All doctors in physical science will now be put into federal prison until further notice, along with the stop of teaching physics in any colleges across the United States.

It’s devastating news hearing that Mars has never really existed but that doesn’t mean that the other planets aren’t, there is still a strong chance that what we now know as our solar system is what it seems to be.