Advi-Anonymous: March 2020


(Image via Ten Thousand Coffees)

Seamus Robison, Writer

(Note: While our staff does our best to give applicable advice, we never want a reader to do anything that would put them in danger. If you feel like the advice given is not the right choice for you given your situation, feel free to disregard it. When it comes to Advi-Anonymous, no matter what, our readers’ safety is always our first priority.)

“So my parents got divorced when I was a little kid, also I’m gay. I was able to come out to my dad, but my mom is extremely conservative. I’m afraid of how she’ll react. I just want her to love and accept me. What should I do?”

Well, I think your best option would be to find the right time to tell your mom. As someone who has struggled with the fear of coming out, I understand how scary it can be. Coming out is one of the hardest and most terrifying things I’ve ever had to do. The possibility and the fear of not being accepted can be almost crippling. However, when you really consider it, the other aspects of coming out are amazing. You’ll always be able to say to everyone that you came out to your parents. I can’t even say that. I still haven’t even come out to my father. For a very similar reason as to why you haven’t come out to your mom. 

I think that regardless of what you decide to do, you need to accept yourself. That is truthfully the biggest part of coming out. Before I was able to come out to my family, I had to spend a long time making sure this was really something I was ready to tell them. I needed to figure that out so that I could accept it. I think you really need to think an awful lot about who you are as a person. I think that first if you haven’t already, you need to come out to your friends. No matter what your friends might think, they will accept you. They’ll understand that you’re still the same person, you just know more about yourself now.

This might be the most important thing I could say to you about this. No matter what your friends or family say, the only important thing is what you think. If you feel that you’re in a safe place with your mother, you should come out to her, but only at the time when you feel you’re completely ready. If she doesn’t accept it then it’s her problem. The biggest thing about coming out, is you learning to accept yourself for who you know yourself to be. Hopefully, your mom accepts who you are, but there will always be the chance that some people won’t be very happy about it, but no matter what happens, you need to find a way to be happy and proud as who you are. No matter what happens, or how anyone reacts, you will always have the ability to say that you came out to your friends and your family. I know I’ve said this already, but not a lot of people can really say this. It’s a very scary thing to do, and no matter what happens, you will be stronger for the experience. You will also be able to come home with your significant other and not be forced to hide what they are to you, and that is a truly beautiful thing.

Now, unfortunately, it’s not always the safest thing to come out. This is the absolute most important thing I could say to you. Whatever you decide to do, your safety should be your highest priority with this. You need to make 100% certain that you are in a safe place with your mom before you come out. For better information please read How To Safely Come Out by Isabella Neufer.

Thank you for contributing to Advi-Anonymous. I hope that I was able to provide helpful insight.

You can submit questions to the Advi-Anonymous box, which can be found in the Forest Grove High School library, as well as to our anonymous google form, which can be found here.