Putting You First

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Surrounding yourself with people who truly understand you and your values can be the most eye-opening positive experience. Understanding boundaries is critical to good and healthy friendships/relationships. People who don’t know and understand your worth have no business in your life. If you value trust, don’t hang around people who spread your business, if you value respect make sure you hang around respectful people. Don’t lower your standards to keep people in your life because there is and always will be better waiting for you. You haven’t seen or experienced it yet, but it’s out there whether that may be a new friend or significant other. There will always be something better. Someone who pushes you to be the best version of yourself, someone whose kindness is truly genuine and cares about you, someone you could tell absolutely anything to without judgment. This is why you can’t continuously allow behaviors you don’t value in your life. Just because one person is treating you badly doesn’t mean another person won’t take the time to treat you right. 

Often times people, including me, make excuses for those treating us unfairly. “Well, they’re struggling right now”. You are not their punching bag. Never ever allow someone to constantly blame you for their own problems and the way they act. Never ever go out of your way for someone who wouldn’t do the same for you. I understand being kind and having a big heart but you can’t constantly sacrifice your feelings just for someone to continue acting the same way. It’s not okay. Been there and done that, it just continues to get worse. Stop making excuses for them. They don’t change. All you can do is sit back and wish them the best, hope they get help, or find more positive role models to rely on. Yeah, it is sad, feeling like you can’t help them or fix them but at the end of the day, that’s not your job. 

I think the first step in putting yourself first is cutting ties with people you don’t want to be associated with. People who could possibly harm future opportunities coming your way. People who have bad habits whether that be different substances, lying, cheating, belittling behavior, etc. Some people may see these activities as something they wouldn’t want to see at a workplace, in their houses, around their kids, and more. Don’t give another person a reason to not want to hire you, invite you into their home, or bring you around their kids. You are who you hang out with. Sure, you may not be doing the irresponsible things the people around you are doing but people on the outside looking in don’t know that. 

The next step to putting yourself first is cutting out negative talk and ignominious, pessimistic friends. People tend to instantly go to the worst instead of thinking on the bright side of things. It is scientifically proven that if you say you’re going to fail at something you have a higher chance of failing it. If you confidently say, ‘I can do this’, and put a little work and effort behind it, you will not fail. The end goal is always achievable with belief, trust, and work. Sometimes in life, people are faced with difficult situations, and a lot of the time they have friends who instantly say negative things. Those aren’t the kind of people you want to be around. They are doing you no good. Sure, there’s being real but then there’s just being fatalistic.

The third step is finding activities and hobbies you like. You don’t have to be good at it to like it and to turn it into a hobby. You might like reading, painting, playing guitar, gardening, etc. It’s important to have different hobbies and interests so that you aren’t constantly relying on others to fulfill your needs. Friends come and go, you can’t plan your life around them. There’s always a chance you won’t be friends forever. Branching out and trying different things can be spontaneous and fun. You’re doing it for you, nobody else. Maybe try a sport or play an instrument. It can be private or you can share it with others around you. 

I think the final step to putting yourself first is to not be one of those people who don’t understand others’ boundaries and values. On top of not allowing someone to treat you unkindly, you also need to know how to do the same. Respect and kindness goes both ways. Always ask yourself if you’ve been kind to someone else before you just assume you deserve kindness. Don’t go out of your way to be rude to someone. Smile and wave in passing but don’t spend your time around them on purpose. You will forever have to be around people you dislike in life, it is what it is, it’s just about how you handle it that matters. 

Something I’ve learned over the years I’ve been working on myself is that it doesn’t just happen overnight. Not even over a few months. It takes a really long time to feel solid. It has been 2 years and I’m finally now starting to feel solid, yeah sometimes I do regret things, but you live and you learn. Nobody is entirely perfect. Everyone messes up and makes mistakes. Just take accountability and apologize when you are in the wrong. That puts you ahead of most, maturity-wise. You’re better than nobody at the end of the day. Everyone’s equal. Everybody’s learning and living life the same as you. The only difference is the battles everyone deals with and how they handle them.