I Don’t Deserve This “Love”


Image via North Carolina Health News

Grace Shaw, Writer

   As a scared female in this world full of terrifying people, something that isn’t talked about enough is abusive relationships, and coming forward to hold your abuser accountable. As young female teens, we often tend to get caught up in the thought of having such a loving committed relationship that we get blindsided so effortlessly. We don’t have to see how we are getting treated from someone else’s point of view. Sadly, with this being said, we tend to be treated poorly. If we can realize that we are being mistreated and hurt and we can pull ourselves out of it, that is amazing, but for others, unfortunately, we get caught up in this other person’s so-called “love” for us. This can lead to a toxic and/or abusive relationship, where you can find yourself stuck with what seems like there’s no way out because of their abusive behaviors. Abuse can come in multiple forms like emotional abuse, sexual, verbal, and physical abuse. Sometimes it can be as bad as having to make a case with authorities to be properly dealt with. If you proceed with taking the abuse to authorities sadly, the only downside is that it could take months or years for our pathetic so-called justice system to do its jobs.

1 in 4 women are being domestically abused by their intimate partner. The two most common forms of abuse are emotional and sexual abuse and these can lead to making you feel so incredibly ashamed and heartbroken with yourself. It will never be your fault though, at the end of the day once an abuser is always an abuser, it was their fault for hurting you and no one else’s. From experience, the hardest thing to come forward about is your sexual abuse. It is undoubtedly one of the hardest things to come forward about, because sadly there are so many people in this world who want to find any and every way to make you look dumb or like you lied. Those are the worst people, because say those types of people are in the justice system too, the people who are supposed to be there for you and help you get you justice, they don’t even want to believe you no matter what, and you never know maybe you get lucky and get a good person who wants to help you and not hurt you. It’s such a terrible world we live in where people can’t understand that no means no, grown men, teen boys, no one seems to understand that. When a vulnerable female says no, that means no if it is anything other than an enthusiastic genuine “yes” then that means it’s a no. Not a maybe and keep begging and begging until she has to cave in because she’s scared because she knows in the back of her head they aren’t going to give up. 

Something else women have to endure is emotional abuse from their partners: gaslighting, narcissism, and manipulation. These types of people will make you feel like you’re going insane by doing and saying things that completely aren’t true but in some way they manipulate you to believe it, making you question your sanity. They make you feel crazy, because they know they hold power over you. People use that power to get what they want from you, to get to you and in your head. This often correlates to gaslighting, by your partner doing something then denying it ever happened which makes you completely feel crazy, because now you have no idea what was true. Sadly, this is a clear sign of abusive behaviors, having to feel like you’re going crazy because the person that you have been everything but a bad person makes you question everything you do. People like this tend to lash out at you until they see they’ve made you cry or hurt you, after all the things they’ve said and all the cussing at you. Sadly that is when they might slightly realize they hurt you but by then it’s too late because they don’t think their actions affect you as much as they do. 

I think the worst of the two is sadly physical abuse, the number of men who have forcibly pushed themselves onto vulnerable women is so sickening. The number of women who can’t even speak up about their experiences because the people, not just men who make women feel ashamed, humiliated, and disappointed, but families: moms, dads, aunts, and uncles, even those people can have a hard time believing or supporting you. It’s such a heartbreaking feeling when the people closest to you can’t even support you after you trusted them to help you. Being touched without consent and having another body that does not give you a choice, it’s traumatizing and unforgettable. People expect you to forget about it or heal from it, but it truly isn’t something you can ever forget about, maybe you can heal, but forgetting it ever happened can be impossible. It can cause such long-term damage to your mental health and comfortability with people and even yourself, it prevents you from so much, all because a person can understand a simple word, or even physically trying to stop them. 

If I could help the scared, traumatized women come forward and not be scared to do so, I would do it in a heartbeat. Going through and surviving relationships that tear you down is one of the strongest things a person can do. Pulling yourself out of a situation like that, even if it doesn’t seem like the best choice, can be so hard but it’s the most freeing feeling ever. I hope that the women reading this and have had to go through this or feel any of this, can come to the realization it’s never your fault and it’s never too late to get justice for yourself.


Help is out there! Call this number: 1-800-799-7233 (domestic abuse hotline)