Baby

Did I ever tell you that my name used to be Baby? That’s right, for the first eighteen years of my life, I was Baby. Now no one ever really called me that but I always hoped they did. It was a lot better than what they actually came up with…I mean what kinda name is Mildred? It doesn’t sound nearly as pretty, it’s not as simple, it’s not Baby. I still don’t get why they changed it I was still little I mean I didn’t even get a choice. Sometimes I think it’s because they wanted me to be the same as Brother. My mama didn’t want me to be the star that I am, she didn’t want me to be rare and she sure didn’t want me to be Baby. She wanted me to be Mildred. But my daddy, he saw me for what I was. Wasn’t fussin over Brother like Mama was. Daddy didn’t tie Brother’s shoes, didn’t wipe Brother’s nose, didn’t comb Brother’s hair. He tied my shoes. He wiped my nose. He combed my hair. Daddy knew that I was different from Brother and Mama and him. He knew that I was meant to shine from the moment I was born, he knew that I was a star. He knew that I was Baby and he was glad for it. No matter how many times Mama and Brother and my schoolteachers called me Mildred, I was Baby. I am Baby. 

Daddy didn’t say anything when I announced at dinner that night that I was changin my name to Mildred…Mama wore a small smile, one that belonged to a true lady, and Brother said he was glad I was finally comin’ to my senses. And the man I was marrying, Bobby I think his name was, just kept to shoving those collard greens in his face without even acknowledging it. Daddy watched me without saying nothin. I could tell that Mildred had smashed a piece of his heart when I told him. That part of his heart that only Baby could know about was gone. Baby was dead and Mildred was alive. That look on Daddy’s face, that’s when I decided I had to leave or dump Bobby or do somethin crazy, irrational and irresponsible. 

Trust me now, I never intended for it to end like it did, but Brother… he was a nasty man. Bobby was too. If it wasn’t for Mama promisin me to him, I never woulda even looked in Bobby’s direction. So when I went and did the irrational thing, runnin away from it was my… was Mildred’s only option. Brother and Bobby deserved what Mildred did to them, and that’s my honest opinion. It wasn’t my fault that when Mama and Daddy came down the next mornin me and Mildred were gone. It wasn’t my fault that Bobby was passed out drunk on the couch next to Brother. And it sure wasn’t my fault that Bobby was covered in Brother’s blood. I don’t even know why I’m in this damn place. Baby doesn’t belong in an institution, maybe Mildred does but not Baby. 

Baby’s good.

She’s good I promise. Please. 

You have to get me out of here. 

I’ve been here long enough I’m okay again. 

40 years is too long.

I’ll be good. 

Why are you doing this to me?