A Letter to Eyeliner

We need to talk.

There’s no beating around the bush with this one. I’ve already thought this through, my mind is made up. I know I’ve said this before, but believe me when I say that I mean it this time: we’re done. It’s over. We’re through. I’m tired of the games we play. I’m tired of erasing your mistakes. I’m tired of playing the fool. I’m not running back into your arms anymore. We’re over.

Let’s be honest with each other for once: you’re toxic. I can’t believe it’s taken me this long to finally see it. I’ve been in denial for so long. I’ve been infatuated with you since the moment I laid eyes on you. You’ve always made other people look beautiful and I loved that about you. Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that I could ever pull off someone like you. I tried us out with patience when I couldn’t resist any longer. You made me feel so pretty, almost like someone completely new. You were everything I needed, so after months and months of practice, we finally made it official. I felt safe with you. I felt beautiful around you. I thought I was loved by you.

I quickly became obsessed with you. I never wanted to be seen without you. You were the only thing that made me feel pretty, but even that came at a price. One mistake and I felt vulnerable. One uneven day and I suddenly felt like everyone could see it. Our mistakes were public, our misunderstandings obvious and I hated it. You always knew exactly what I wanted, yet you never made things easy. You never played nice. So I gave up on us. I realized that we were never made for each other. I should have listened to myself then, but I didn’t.

After our first break, I found myself constantly thinking about you every time I looked in the mirror. I thought about how you’d make things just that much better. When you were good, when we worked together and figured each other out, we were powerful. Some even called us ethereal. I couldn’t get you out of my head and I knew you wanted me back. You said that you didn’t have a purpose without me. I shouldn’t have done it and I knew that. I did it anyway. 

I gave us another chance, but nothing changed. I spent days trying to get to know you. I spent days trying to figure you out. Why you listen one day and not the next, why you insist on ruining or making my mornings. I could never come up with the answers I so desperately needed and you couldn’t provide me with them either. Always so stubborn. Never communicating. You’re the only thing that makes me feel complete in the morning. You’re the apple of my eye, but I just can’t deal with it anymore.

You’re too stubborn for me. You can never make up your mind. You’re always inconsistent. You make one mistake and suddenly you’ve ruined everything. You take up too much of my time, demanding more than I have to give. The joy you give me too easily turns into frustration. You’re just not meant for someone like me. So we’re done. No more off and on. This is it. We’re never getting back together.

At least until next week.