“Tired of Walking? Try Running” Says China

Scientists from China have announced a new invention sparked by scientific research that could shape the future as we know it, and could potentially put China as the world’s second world power; running. 跑马克一号(“Running Mark-1” in English) is an invention to reduce the national usage of natural resources in Han China, it’s implementation in the controversial region of Tibet is not announced yet by the Chinese government as they refuse to comment on the state of Tibet due to the civil unrest in that region. Running Mark-1 and its effects are currently unknown publicly, however, we do know that Running Mark-1 can reduce the usage of natural resources after a leaked video from Chinese television showed the supposed effects of Running. Running Mark-1 has been implemented into the Chinese military quickly and effectively, U.S Secretary Of Defense Bill M. Ayes states that “The Chinese are making unprecedented advancements in the South China Sea, and with the usage of running we could have an international crisis that cannot be ignored” during a conference at the White House. Mr. Ayes also stated that “Running is being used at a large scale, sooner than anybody thought. If we let this advancement in technology slip by us, then China will be the only world power left.”

The current Chinese Ambassador 添月亮羊毛 (Jay Xi Wingdings in English) says not to worry about the progress made in the South China Sea; “China and its peoples are eliminating the threat against national security in the South China Sea, it is simply an act of defense against its (China’s) unstable and insecure neighbors who threaten our nation from the south.” Mr. Wingdings did not respond to the accusations of Chinese imperialism and the alleged acquisition of many foreign islands. However, NATO (North Atlantic Treaty Organization) made a statement that China is “up to no good” and they “solemnly swear” that China shall be contained by NATO due to “the threat of Chinese imperialism” says Secretary-General Harr Y. Potter. Russia has also made a “subtle” input in the international crisis, the Russian Army was seen using Running Mark-1 after a U.S reconnaissance drone took snapshots over in Siberia. After the U.S condemned the Russian Federation, they (Russia) stated that the U.S would “have done the same.” Securing Russia and China has allies.

The European Union has sided with NATO after the influx of India refugees during the “Rock Paper Scissors War” between China and India, a war for the right to call “dibs” neighboring countries. Grand President Generalissimo of India lost 1-4 after Chinese deception tactics deployed Running Mark-1 when it looked like they were walking. Some people have called Running Mark-1 the “new blitzkrieg”, referencing the lightning speed of the German army in World War 2 after they invented Wanderabteilung 34 (or Walking Motion Department 34, Department 34 is where it was tested and issued to nearby armies). Others say that it is the end of conventional warfare but China likes to think otherwise.

China states that “Running can be used for recreational use, whether it for sports, training or just for faster transportation” in another one of its ads leaked. Businesses in China has also seen an increased boost from Running Mark-1, some reported that the cost of transportation was cut by 25% by using Running Mark-1 and the cost of “middlemen” were also reduced by another astounding 67%. The economy was doing so well in fact that it almost overtook Europe’s total economy but fail short of only 5.8%, this caused a new wave of phobia known to the public as “Mandarphobia”.

Who knows who to trust, China says it’s purely recreational use while others like the U.S have stated that it is a threat to everybody. This international crisis could cause another World War and it seems like it’s just around the corner from total disaster.