The Controversy of Controversy

Imagine a world in grey. All color is gone, and all people are the same. Matched thought for thought. Base models lacking any differences. Anything out of ordinary in this grey tone world is ridiculed and outcasted. This is the world we are slowly making our reality. Our political views have become so polarized, that it is no longer an option to be in the middle, but you feel obligated to choose a side. We are slowly losing the ability to communicate and grow from the diversity of thought. 

Controversy is defined as “a discussion marked especially by the expression of opposing views.” The media and conversations we have today focus less on compromise, but instead on one mindset. 

It’s terrifying to see a country repeating history in a constant new fashion. Throughout history, there’s always been conflict over beliefs. In England, when Martin Luther nailed his testaments to the door of the church, a new battle of religion began. For years, there was the murder and persecution of Catholics and Protestants, as England fought a war over beliefs. In World War Two, a war started over the persecution of Jewish people for their beliefs and differences. In the United States, the country was torn apart in the Civil War in a battle for freedom and basic human rights.  

To say controversy is bad and offers no benefit would be a lie. However, to say instead that oftentimes controversy can escalate and become destructive would be closer to the truth. I believe that difference of thought and opinion is good, because it is better to surround yourself with new mindsets than to isolate yourself with only similar minds. In times of growth, it has not been seen in a room full of like-minded people, but instead in a room full of people who often argue and debate. Debates are important, as long as they are civilized, to create conversation and growth.

Prior to opening, How to Have Impossible Conversations, I looked at the back, and the synopsis started with, “In our current political climate, it seems impossible to have a reasonable conversation with anyone who has a different opinion,” which I feel accurately captures the current state of things. However, it isn’t just the adults that are struggling to hold civil conversations, but I have seen it in classrooms and among peers. Too often is it easier to hold so tight to our own beliefs that we close our minds to different thoughts. 

When someone disagrees with you it is all too easy to get upset and beyond angry, however, instead of attacking the person rather than their beliefs try to follow these steps from How to Have Impossible Conversation:

1. Bite your tongue; Do not counterattack
2. Never respond to emails or comments on social media while angry, offended, or outraged
3. Listen. Listen. Listen.
4. Do not deny a tense situation.
5. Avoid the word Anger. 
6. Slow down. 
7. After a tense moment, make an empathy statement; i.e “I hear you,” or something along those lines.
8. Do not endure angry rants. 

Listening is hard, but it is an important part of having a true conversation and allowing both parties to adequately respond. It is much easier to shut down and ignore the other’s opinions and continue to repeat your sentence in a circular fashion. This is often too true in young adults, which is ironic coming from a young adult, however, the younger generation is consumed with the need to feel independent and heard. The youth is passionate about their own beliefs, but is often dismissed by the older generations. They are considered to be naive and too young to understand, thus leading to the youth feeling the need to prove they have a say in this country too. This causes often times their opinions and feelings to come off as brash and blunt because otherwise, they feel they will be ignored and disregarded. What is also important to note is that as a young adult you are still both growing physically and mentally, which means that you are still developing your opinions, but so are your peers. We think too critically of others and become angry with their beliefs when in reality we should respect them and understand that different experiences shape how we view the world. However, in some regards society has pushed us to this stage. 

For instance, a parent who lost their child as a result of murder will have a contrasting view on the justice system to a sibling whose brother was arrested for drug dealing. One will favor harsher punishments in the hope to ease their loss and achieving some form of justice or revenge. While the other will favor easier criminal punishments. However, at the end of the day, it is our experiences that shape how we handle and view events and regulations, and that doesn’t illegitimate one person’s experience over another’s.

These different views and experiences shape the human experience, and it is important as a society to focus on listening and understanding, rather than closing your mind to only one train of thought. In the grey world I first laid out for you, there was no chance of color or light or dark or change, only grey. If we continue to close our minds and become a more polarized society, there will come a day where there will be no chance of change or growth. Growth comes in the form of the diversity of thought. Closed doors never made any impact.