The Leek: Samsung Ethernet Cable

 In a spark of innovation, Samsung has started the renaissance of technology, Ethernet Galaxy S2! The EGS2 has a portable charger for on the go so you can bring the EGS2 experience wherever you go. This is not your ordinary ethernet cable, it has a sleek black design, it is bendable, and it has the full Samsung experience with roaming WiFi. It also can deconstruct itself for easy storage, along with a menacing countdown and a fiery display of domestic terrorism. Although slightly combustible, the EGS2 is the pinnacle of WiFi transfer, it even works underwater!

  The military has shown interest in the EGS2 and it is currently being used in Syria. The Secretary of Defense has stated to a Samsung representative that “The product we seek will be deployed in Syria to combat the local terrorist force as IEDs (Innovative Electronic Devices)” Samsung has received a rather large sum of money for their EGS2 and plan to continue to manufacture more. They will also begin manufacturing in Brazil, England, and Sealand.

  While the military is a big contributor to the funds of the EGS2, it is not the only one. Steve Jobs is also a huge buyer of the product. He purchases these products for recreational use. Although the use of it is private, Samsung thinks it is all positive. Jobs is becoming a good popularity booster for the corporation. CEO of Samsung told us in an interview, “Nothing could possibly go wrong with our product,” So far, that statement has been mostly true. Due to the recent explosion of the EGS2, Samsung has decided to start renovating this technology to further improve the WiFi transfer experience. The EGS3 will be released this July and will come with new features, stylish looks, and an explosive new AI.

  The EGS2 has shattered records and shattered windows, so what’s stopping you from getting one? Well, recent reports have shown that the once loved ethernet cable has been acting strangely. CEO Koh Dong Jin has told us, “It is nothing to be worried about, just a simple malfunction.” This “malfunction” has been recorded all over the globe and called in Japan, the “Fire Demon”. Although we have not seen any sign of the cable harming humans, we have seen it kill and maim pets. This is a global report telling you that you must rid yourselves of the EGS2 or you could be the next victim.